Well, if I am going to blog about my journey to priesthood I guess I should tell my story right? It wasn’t long after people started finding out about my decision to enter seminary when I was being asked “Why do you want to be a Priest?” That’s a hard question for me to answer. It’s not that I want to be a Priest, but it’s that I love God so much that I want to do his will, and if Gods will for me is to become a Priest then that is what I will do.
I have always been heavily involved in my parish. Ever since I was a child I wanted to be an altar server. I thought the robes looked cool and I liked that I would be able to move around during mass (I have a hard time sitting still for long periods of time). So, when I was in fourth grade we were allowed to sign up to be altar servers. I was so excited when we went for training after school! The priest that trained us was Fr. Ed, our associate pastor at the time, and he was teaching us all the different names for things, and how to vest ourselves, and how to serve the mass. This was the best day of my life and it was the first time I ever thought about being a priest when I got older. However, at that time I was afraid of being alone so I automatically threw that idea out the window.
I never thought of priesthood again until I was in seventh grade. I was entertaining the idea for a while thinking about what I would do on a regular basis, if I wanted a family or not, if I could handle being alone (I was not afraid of being alone anymore but rather afraid of not having anyone to talk to), and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave my dream of becoming an actor! Even though the idea was in my head I never talked to anyone about it. Once I got to high school I became extremely involved in theatre and my dream of becoming an actor grew into becoming a director! Besides my big dreams I was also thinking about becoming an architect (that changed once I found out how bad at math I really am), a teacher, and a few other professions.
While in high school I still had priesthood in the back of my mind, and I left it there. I had an ongoing on-again off-again relationship with a girl I really liked, I was working with different theatre groups and really getting involved in the arts, and I wanted to have kids one day. I even thought about becoming a youth minister as a way to justify myself for not looking into priesthood. During this time I was more involved in my parish and faith than I had ever been. I was always working in my schools campus ministry, helping with retreats, I was a lector and extraordinary Eucharistic minister at my school and parish, and very active in my parishes youth ministry. Just because I didn’t want to be a priest didn’t mean I wanted nothing to do with the church.
I was surprised to realize I was a senior in high school and had to start making decisions. I decided I wanted to stay in theatre. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do yet but I know I wanted it to be theatre related. So after I graduated high school I attended my local community college as a Speech/Theatre Major. Once I started college and knew I had to make a final decision within two years I started praying to God on my vocation. Now when I say vocation I do not mean religious vocation. I was praying to God asking him what job he wanted me to do. I know God gave me my gifts for a reason but I didn’t know how he expected me to use them. Did God want me to be a teacher? Director/ Producer? Actor? I had no idea.
As I was praying that thought of priesthood kept entering my mind. At that point in my life it was both frustrating and awkward. Frustrating because being a priest was not something I wanted to do and awkward because I was still dating my high school sweetheart who I loved very much. During the second semester of my first year in college the relationship I had with my girlfriend started to go sour and I realized that theatre didn’t make my life feel whole. The whole year when I was in my theatre classes I felt happy but I didn’t feel like my whole heart was in my studies. It was at that point, when I realized theatre wasn’t what I wanted to do for the rest of my life and seriously thought about priesthood. I was doing a lot of serious praying about it. I still did not want to be a priest but I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. Sitting in prayer always asking God what his will is for me and now I think I know and I won’t look into it…that’s just a bad move to make.
When my girlfriend and I broke up for the last time I thought it was an appropriate time to look into it a bit deeper. I did research on priesthood, started asking subtle questions to priests I knew about their seminary experience and how they like being a priest, I started reading a couple blogs I found, and I was still doing some heavy duty prayer over it. One day I did the math and figured out that I have been thinking about this for six years and never did anything about it! As I was starting my second year in college, still a speech/ theatre major, I decided it was time to answer what I think is Gods call. In August I spoke to my parish’s pastor and he hooked me up with
my diocese vocations director and now I am here at
St. Joes.
Obviously, this was not an easy decision to make, nor was it one I made over night. By the time I made it to seminary I had been thinking of priesthood for SEVEN YEARS! Now that I am here in the college seminary I have never felt happier, more complete, or joy in my life. I am still not sure if God is calling me to priesthood but so far I don’t feel that I have made a mistake and I certainly don’t regret coming here. I know this is a very long post but I wanted to tell my whole story. May our Blessed Mother, ever Virgin Mary, intercede for us all and bring us closer to her son, our Lord, Jesus Christ, and help us all find our vocation.
Peace.
The next day we attended the Youth Mass where about 20,000 youth gathered to pray for a greater respect for all human life. Once the youth mass was over we all marched to the Mall where we heard members of Congress and the Senate voice their views on Roe Vs. Wade and how it should be overturned.